My friend's trip to Japan was canceled because his entire team resigned a month before his vacation. As a responsible supervisor, he had to cancel his travel plans and stay to keep the department running. The reason for his team's departure wasn’t due to his management but issues stemming from another team. Some colleagues in that other team weren't pulling their weight, leading to frequent overtime working for his team. This created mounting frustration, which eventually led to a silent outburst. My friend was aware of the underperforming colleague and had raised complaints with their supervisor several times. However, the response was always filled with "humane" excuses, asking for understanding, but with no real action taken. By the time the issue escalated, his team’s resignation was irreversible, becoming yet another example of "bad money driving out good."

After hearing about my friend’s situation, aside from feeling sorry for his canceled trip, it reminded me of the term "Ruinous Empathy." This concept refers to when a leader shows care for their team without setting clear expectations, which ends up causing harm. The term comes from Kim Scott’s book Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity. Kim believes that modern management requires two key elements: "Challenge Directly" and "Care Personally."

Challenge Directly means giving clear feedback on an employee’s work—what needs improvement, what training is required, and maintaining a high standard of constructive feedback. While this seems straightforward, it’s hard to apply consistently, especially when making tough decisions. For example, when choosing one of two colleagues for a promotion, you need to be clear and detailed about why the other was not selected.

In Chinese culture, there's a saying, "Leave room in your words," meaning we often avoid being too direct. I personally don't recommend adopting the concept verbatim because your "directness" could be perceived as harsh. However, pointing out an employee's shortcomings directly is the key point the author is making, and it can be adjusted slightly to suit cultural differences.

As for Care Personally, it's not just about being empathetic or offering comforting words, but about helping employees plan their career paths with their perspective in mind. If your advice is genuine and focuses on a win-win outcome for both the company and the employee, they will feel it.

Kim argues that these two elements must be executed together to be effective and help the team continuously improve. If you only challenge directly without care, Kim calls this Obnoxious Aggression—essentially, being pushy and only focusing on goals without considering others' feelings. When things don’t go as planned, the leader blames the team. This kind of team, where people are treated like mere cogs in a machine, remains stagnant under a fixed leader.

On the other side, if there’s only care without direct challenge, it results in the aforementioned Ruinous Empathy—focusing too much on colleagues' feelings and neglecting the goals. A company ultimately exists to achieve profits or objectives. When a colleague isn’t suited for their work, other team members have to pick up the slack, leading to unfair workloads and taking time away from the manager’s actual responsibilities. At the same time, the “cared-for” employee doesn’t grow or find a better fit for their skills.

Lastly, if a leader neither challenges directly nor cares personally, Kim calls this Manipulative Insincerity. This can be likened to a form of workplace manipulation (PUA). By giving easy tasks, the leader causes employees to misjudge their performance and, in times of difficulty, offers direct guidance—not to help the employee grow but to highlight the gap between them and the leader. This creates a sense of control over the employee. Growth under such leadership is very limited. It may take time to identify manipulative insincerity, but once you recognize it, it's best to distance yourself from such a leader immediately.

Based on my personal experience, even if you strive for radical candor, it doesn't mean you'll see results after just one conversation. Communication between leaders and employees is a continuous process. A supervisor needs persistence and a mindset to constantly remind and guide their employees for gradual progress.

Simon So

Chief Experience Officer of Hantec Group